PAT (Punting Away Tensions)

Reports out of Arizona indicate that the

Cardinals, in cooperation with the Arizona Highway Patrol, may be taking advantage of the new immigration laws by detaining 'skinny caucasions with a lead foot' in order to consider adding them to the team as punter and place kickers.

And let's be honest--they have a good chance of finding an upgrade for QB Matt Leinart from that same pool of candidates...

Regret for the Dog Days

Its hot out there today and if I could go back in time, I would plant Wild Cherry Slurpee bushes instead of those lame flowering pear trees.

Huh?

Gordon Hayward?? wtFudge??? Jeremy Evans????

Kevin O’Connor was like: “everyone thinks we plan to fill a need or take the best player available or go with raw talent in the draft, but we’re going to zig when they are expecting us to zag! We’re going to do the exact opposite of all that!”

So what are they saying about the Utah Jazz’ draft performance this morning??

Utah
I'm not big on Gordon Hayward, but I think he works well here. He can't really create his own shot off the dribble but can shoot, and in Utah the system will help create some open looks for him to knock down.
Grade: B

Utah Jazz
9. Gordon Hayward, SF, Butler
I mean, is the white guy to Jazz joke too obvious? I don't get this one. I think George and Henry are better wing prospects. Utah needs a shooter since Kyle Korver is a free agent, but what about Ed Davis here? Carlos Boozer is likely gone and I think Davis has more potential as a pro than Hayward. (Pick Grade: Don't Get It)

55. Jeremy Evans, F, Western Kentucky
A guy who has not received any hype on any mock draft I have looked at this season. He is a physical player who could add some depth behind Paul Millsap. (Pick Grade: Meh)


Utah Jazz:
The Jazz reached into the hype machine and pulled out Gordon Hayward, the darling who took those plucky Butler Bulldogs all the way to the bright lights of the Final Fours. (Insert a few fluttering eyelashes and a "Wowee!" or two into that sentence for effect.) Maybe I'm wrong, as I haven't assembled teams who are regular Western Conference contenders as Jazz GM Kevin O'Connor has. But ... whaaaaaat? Hayward, given the team's needs (at least one big, a dead-eye shooter -- which Hayward is not right now)? Pfft to that. (And no, second-round pick-up Jeremy Evans of Western Kentucky doesn't save it.) Final Grade: F.


No. 9: Jazz select:
Gordan Hayward, SF, Butler
Grade C

Analysis: The Jazz's inexperience in the lottery shows. You don't draft winners at 9, you draft talent.

Utah- B (Gordon Hayward)
The Jazz are far better than your typical team picking ninth, so they can afford to pick a role player at that spot. That's what they got in Hayward. For now, Gordon will probably come off the bench and hit jumpers. With his size, he should get the shot off with ease and he knows how to score. He's probably never going to be a star given that he doesn't have particularly good athleticism, but in Utah he can run the wings and hit the open shots that are there because of Deron Williams.

Utah
Draft Grade
C
Picks:
No. 9 Gordon Hayward
No. 55 Jeremy Evans
Hayward falls somewhere between a reach and an OK pick. Paul George or Luke Babbitt would have been better choices to fill a void on the wing, but Hayward should do well in Utah's system. Outside of Ryan Reid, Evans was probably the most surprising pick of the draft. A relative unknown, the springy Western Kentucky power forward is under 200 pounds and averaged just 10 points and 6.9 rebounds per game as a senior.

Explaining The Jazz Quandary

All heck is about to break loose this summer in the NBA. There are sooooo many free agents, top to bottom in quality, value, and overall cost. There are a handful of teams that have less than 6 players under contract, so the wheeling and dealing and general milling about should be tremendous. The Jazz stand to lose Carlos Snoozer, may part with Kirlenko and could feasibly see Kyle Korver or Wesley Matthews sign a lucrative contract elsewhere. Losing those players would be a significant turnover for this team, who will be pressed to take things to the next level. Paul Milsaps should finally get his opportunity to show that he deserves a starting role. The health of Mehmet Okur could be a huge concern, as we have seen player after player struggle to return from Achilles injuries. Indeed, many have been unable to do so.

The Jazz have a reasonably high draft pick tonight, in a draft that seems to be deeper with talent than usual. Although a #9 pick won’t be high enough to snag one of the elite players, the Jazz could add a very good player who may be asked to contribute immediately to a team in flux.

I would like to see the Jazz take a chance on one of the second tier big men that will be available, even if that means giving up on Fesenko. It sounds like the most likely big available to the Jazz will be:

NAME
AGE
HEIGHT
WEIGHT
WINGSPAN
STANDING REACH
MAX VERTICAL JUMP
Court Sprint
Bench Press

Greg Monroe
20
6’11
247
7’2.25
9’0.5
29.0
3.35
15

Patrick Patterson
21
6’9.25
240
7’1.25
8’11
33.5
3.25
17

Cole Aldrich
21
6’11.25
236
7’4.25
9’3.5
28.0
3.35
10

Ed Davis
21
6’9.75
227
7’0
9’0
36.0
3.21
NA

But rumor has it that the Jazz are also very high on the 6’9” Luke Babbit out of Nevada. He could replace the 3 point shooting of Kyle Korver while keeping the lineup a little ‘bigger’.

Unfortunately, barring some big trades, the Jazz are painted into a corner salary-wise. They’re all but guaranteed to exceed the salary cap again. It may be hard for them to cash in on what could be the biggest free-agent market of all time!!

P.S. Have you seen the new/old Jazz logo and colors to be rolled out on this year’s unis??

Follower of the Month

Congratulations to Russ Lasson of Lehi, Utah on being named Follower of the Month for this Blog! Russ enjoys rock climbing and planting trees in the wind. Russ came out of nowhere to win the award--he was not even in Top Ten Followers last month! Way to go Russ!

One Swell Spring Break

We spent Spring Break on the San Rafael Swell in South-Central Utah. The weather probably wasn't quite as nice as South Beach, with its waveswept shores, fantastic weather, and beautiful beaches strewn with sunbathers? Its all fine if you're into that kind of thing--which I'm not.

We were literally sandblasted right out of Goblin Valley (note the hair and faces of the kids) but frankly the Buckhorn Trail, where we spent much of our time, exceeded all of my expectations. The scenery we encountered was nothing short of spectacular, and the history of the area is amazing. My hat is off to all those who braved the harsh and meager conditions in that area, to eke out a living through ranching, mining, or as with the primitive inhabitants, simply surviving day-to-day.

The fabulous rock formations along the way made it difficult to keep my eyes on the road. In addition to the incredible geology, the highlights of the day included a petrified dinosaur footprint, some outlaw graffiti, Utah's oldest surviving suspension bridge (The San Rafael Bridge) and the breaktaking view of the "Little Grand Canyon" from 'The Wedge'.

One of the stops we made was at the Buckhorn Panel, a fairly extensive sample of ancient pictographs, which were likely drawn by the indigenous Fremont peoples prior to the birth of Christ. It is mind boggling to think that this primitive art survived for so long in the extreme weather that the area experiences. I also couldn't help but marvel that the ancient Fremonts and Anasazis had a paint that could last over 2000 years, and yet today we still have to stain our decks every year or two!! And why is the tattoo of Papa Smurf on my ankle already beginning to fade? Has man really learned so little??

Dining Tip of the Week

I'm going to rate 'Healthy Choice Beef Steak and Noodle' soup somewhere between warm, flat, diet caffeine free Coke and bathwater.

ackkkkkkkkk!!

Absolute Zero is the coolest. seriously.

In addition to being a fan of a lot of different musical genres, I also find that there are a lot of clever and amusing Album Titles out there, many of them from bands I don't even know that much about. I found them entertaining enough to assemble here for your enjoyment. I emphasize that these lists refer strictly to the album title itself, regardless of the content or quality of the artist or music thereon. I would love to hear comments on your favorite album titles as well.

Top Ten Best Album Titles on my iPod

10. Wincing the Night Away - The Shins

9. Now That’s What I Call Really Quite Good - The Housemartins

8. This is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about - Modest Mouse

7. Babylon and On – Squeeze (you kinda have to say this one out loud--like ‘Bob Loblaw’ from Arrested Development)

6. More Songs About Buildings and Food - Talking Heads

5. Electriclarryland -- BH Surfers

4. The People Who Grinned Themselves to Death - The Housemartins

3. The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste - Ministry

2. A Slight Case of Over-Bombing – Sisters of Mercy

1. Good News For People Who Love Bad News - Modest Mouse

Top Ten Best Album Titles NOT on my iPod

10. Athiests, Reconsider -- The Liars

9. Weasels Ripped My Flesh - Mothers of Invention

8. Don't Mind If I Don't – Ghost Town Deputies

7. Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fungus - Omar Rodriguez-Lopez

6. I’m not afraid of you and I will beat your ass - Yo La Tengo

5. I Shaved My Legs For This? - Deana Carter

4. We’ve never heard of you either - Evan and Jaron

3. Sometimes Good Weather Follows Bad People – califone

2. Gratuitous Sax and Senseless Violins - Sparks

1. Hairway to Steven - BH Surfers

HONORABLE MENTIONS

As Falls Wichita, so falls Wichita Falls - Pat Methany

Funky Sea, Funky Dew - Brecker Brothers

Cunning Stunts – Caravan

Autopsy Turvy – The Scared Stiffs

How late do U have 2BB4UR late? -- the P-Funk All Stars

You gotta say yes to another excess – Yello

Breathe on your own time – The Grey AM

The Difference Between Me and You Is That I'm Not On Fire – McCluskey

Too Bad You're Beautiful – from autumn to ashes

A Different Point of You – alias Eye

Mattresslessness - Jason Lescallet

It takes a nation of millions to hold us back – Public Enemy

They were wrong so we drowned – The Liars

Underachievers Please Try Harder, Camera Obscura

It crawled into my hand, honest - The Fugs

We were dead before the ship even sank – Modest Mouse

Music has the right to children – Boards of Canada

Weekend at Wemberly's

One of the children’s books that I enjoy reading to my daughters is about a mouse named Wemberly. Wemberly is a perpetual worrier. Her concerns run the gamut—they know no bounds! At Halloween, Wemberly was concerned that everyone would have the same butterfly costume as her—then she worried that she was the only one. As the Twins fan, I find myself relating to Wemberly as each new season unfolds. And so, it has come to this. I give you a list:

Ten Reasons for Wemberly to worry about the Twins:

1. A staff full of fly ball pitchers and a fielding corps that includes Delmon Young, Jason Kubel and Michael Cuddyer who will all be even slower on grass. Then what if Denard Span goes down?? –gulp—
2. What if Justin Morneau’s back injuries linger??
3. What if JJ Hardy really is the JJ Hardy of 2009?? What if Delmonte Young at his best is just a .280 hitter and a .300 slugger??
4. What if Orlando Hudson’s wheels and bat really are slowing down??
5. What if Slowey and Neshek cannot return to form??
6. What if this team benefited from the Metrodome more than we thought and they play on grass, in the cold even worse than we feared??
7. What if a full year of a shiny waxed Pavano looks more like a late model Livan Hernandez?
8. It sounds like his slider may be coming back but will Liriano ever be able to locate his fastball again??
9. Will this teams bloated payroll and change in personality to a more power oriented game work out?
10. When a ‘small market’ team spends $96 million, is anything less than a WS appearance a disappointment??

Ten Reasons for Wemberly to chill (and considering April weather at Target Field, I do mean CHILL):

1. Stat geeks are projecting Twins pitchers pretty much across the board to increase their number of strikeouts slightly this year over last, which will (slightly) take pressure off their defensively subpar outfielders. Still not sure what the plan is if Span gets injured though… While Delmon still looks lost out there defensively sometimes, he and the others would have to be considered adequate. He might even start hitting before September this year!
2. Morneau will be fine. His spring numbers are modest but the team has encouraged him to take it very easy
3. JJ Hardy has looked solid this spring! I like the prospects of how high his ceiling can be!
4. O-dog is no spring chicken, but his spring tells a tale of one playa who still has it going izz-on!
5. Both Slowey and Neshek have looked better than expected. In fact, Neshek, a sure bet to start in the minors may now be headed north with the team next week!
6. Target Field is spectacular by all reports. There is talk of selling every ticket for every game before the season even begins. If the fine people of Minnesota have bought into outdoor baseball, then why shouldn’t I??
7. Who am I kidding? Pavano is Livan Hernandez: a milk-toast, inning eating journeyman who is serviceable at the bottom of any rotation.
8. Frankie Liriano may never be the beast he was for that one half season. But Frankie Liriano may have recaptured his mojo and has looked like at worst a legitimate low end starter again this winter and spring
9. The Twins lineup, now infused with Orlando Hudson, JJ Hardy, and Jim Thome could be very dangerous. I marvel at how the Twins and White Sox have essentially exchanged offensive personalities (in fact, each team even has the team’s former players)—the Twins now having a power emphasis while the White Sox have evolved to a more scrappy, Ozzie Guillen-esque lineup
10. It may be ultimately disappointing, but it sure will be fun to watch!

Come along for the ride with Wemberly and I! What, we worry?!?

We have a piper down! I repeat: A piper is down!!

Mike Myer’s realization that he may have married an ax murderer could not have been any more of a punch in the gut than the recent news about Joe Nathan was to me. The unfortunate demise of Joe Nathan’s elbowular tendon immediately cast a pall over what had been the most exciting and promising offseason in recent Twins history. I know what you are thinking: isn’t ‘elbowular’ spelled with two L’s?? Hey, I’m no orthopedestrial surgeon, but I know a thing or two about elbows! For instance, never put them in your ear.

Nathan has already undergone the infamous ‘Tommy John Surgery’, a procedure that took a tendon from his left wrist to repair his torn right elbow. However, time is no longer the friend of Mr. Nathan. And as a man myself, who is looking age 40 in the face like a boxing press conference stare-down, I can’t help but feel for the guy. Joe is only 34 years old but he is now forced to cope with the prospect of 12 months of intense rehab on his arm—and that is really a best case scenario—often pitchers don’t really get their mojo back for 2 years or more (see Fransisco Liriano). Meanwhile, stat geeks will be happy to show you all sorts of numbers that support how most pitchers begin a rapid decline in velocity at age 35. For most pitchers, this can be a major career hurdle. For a closer like Nathan, it could be devastating. Closers rely on being able to ‘amp up’ the pace to best batters and you have to wonder if Joe Nathan, returning to form (at age 35 or 36) will ever be able to regain his niche as an elite reliever in Major League baseball. And I do mean elite: Nathan has chalked up nearly 250 saves over the last 6 seasons. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s more saves than the Yankees’ living legend, Mariano Rivera, over that same period. Closers are a special breed.

So what’s the big deal, you might ask?? After all, Nathan signed a $47 million GUARANTEED contract in 2008. He can ride off into the sunset and live very comfortably knowing that he competed at the top level for a while, right? Maybe. Some athletes do. I think that we may underestimate how difficult it is to suddenly walk away from something that you have poured your heart and soul into since you were in elementary school. Its what these guys are GOOD at. Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you’ve seen how hard it has been for Brett Favre to say goodbye to football. Who am I kidding—even cave dwellers cannot have been oblivious to the Favre media circus! Hey, I’m as big a Viking fan as the next guy, but that whole Favre thing has been absurd! But even consider iconic college football announcer, Keith Jackson (“whooooa Nellie”), who announced his retirement with much fanfare in 1998 but then could not stay away from the arena where he excelled, and ended up calling games for 8 more years before he finally retired at age 77, (quipping that he didn’t want to die in a stadium parking lot). So for those of us without $47 million, its hard to comprehend that money alone might not be a salve that can heal that wound.

As I alluded to before, this season held particular promise for the Twins. They will certainly have a formidable lineup and a serviceable pitching staff at worst. They were the consensus favorites to win their division and contend in the playoffs and I know that Nathan wanted nothing more than to be a part of making a run at the title. This rant is much longer than I expected but what I’m saying is this: I guess I’m sad for the Twins but I’m particularly sad for Joe Nathan, who might have just seen his career pass before his eyes. So here’s hoping that Joe beats the odds and makes it all the way back. It will be good for my soul…and it couldn’t hurt the Twins either.